Why you should forgive your cheating wife
Yes, my wife cheated on me with her hairdresser. Yes, that sounds like some kind of sordid cliche that you would see on a cheesy TV drama. No, I was not happy about it. No, I do not get off on that sort of thing. Yes, I did forgive her.
I don’t want to speak for you or tell you what you should personally do because everyone’s situation is different and infidelity happens for a variety of reasons. For instance, my wife and I, had a loving relationship for 15 years. I can still remember when we first met and what it was like to look forward to seeing her on date night. She was wild back then, we both were. She was gorgeous, beautiful, and she always had a swarm of men buzzing around her. She was so graceful the way she managed their attention too. I remember looking at her from across the room completely in awe of the way she could control conversations and get guys to do her bidding.
I wasn’t a bad looking guy myself and had always had luck with the ladies, and I knew with this one who was used to all the male attention, I wouldn’t be able to just go over there and run my normal game. I could neither play it cool nor fawn over her like everyone else was trying to do. It was too typical. I didn’t want to be forgettable, so when we finally started talking, I played it engaged, nervous. Most guys think that’s a sign of weakness, being nervous. But she found it to be quite endearing for whatever reason. We exchanged information and what not, and eventually caught up with one another the week after. Four years later, we were engaged to be married.
Forgiving a cheater
For over a decade we lived the American Dream. We had a boy and a girl, and we were both working decent jobs that we liked. But after I lost my job and started working at another company, things went bad. I was working all the time, I felt stressed, angry, and I was short with everyone around me. I tried to make it work. I became less interested in sex. I was withdrawn, unhappy, and I was making the people around me miserable.
When my wife tried to talk to me about it, I shut her down because I didn’t want to hear it. I was putting a roof over my kids’ heads and I was doing the best I could. What more did she want from me?
After I found out my wife cheated I was of course hurt and angry. I blamed her for everything and I wanted to divorce her immediately. Things with work got even worse and now I was drinking too and living in a hotel. I felt hopeless for the first time in my life. Despite my best efforts everything seemed to be falling apart.
Forgiveness after the affair
I did forgive my wife after I’d had some time alone to think about it. A woman like her thrives under sunlight of an engaged husband and I had turned away from her. While it wasn’t all my fault that she cheated on me, I didn’t listen to her when she tried to tell me how she felt. Neither one of us wanted to get a divorce, and I still loved her. So I quit the job that was draining all my reserves and began working for myself as freelancer, and that had made a big difference in my attitude. I’m bringing in less money, but I have more time for my family.