Tag Archives: divorce after infidelity

Steps to get divorced after infidelity

divorce tips strategiesTips for divorce after an affair

Tips for divorce after an affair

If you’re really looking to screw over your spouse after they cheated on you then take a click on the link to the other article. This article is more for spouses whose marriages have sort of run their course and now they’re looking to move on with their lives and start a new chapter.

Divorce after infidelity

The trick to ending a marriage amicably after an affair is communicating with the spouse about your needs for a relationship and how you don’t feel the same way about the marriage as you did in the beginning. While this information is difficult to hear, you really don’t want to be running around behind their back, organizing clandestine encounters, and confabulating elaborate lies. The aforementioned tactics are the things that hurt the most, so if you want to separate amicably then none of those things are going to be the kind of stuff that you want to do.

A lot of times what happens in marriages is that the flame burns brightly at the beginning, you have a few kids, and by the end of it all you’re wondering where the years went. The kids are off at college or starting lives of their own and you’re stuck in the house with the same person you’ve been stuck in the same house with for over 20 years. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with this. You’ve had a good run together, raised some beautiful children, and now you want to go your separate ways and start a new chapter and see what else life has to offer.

Tips for getting an amicable divorce

Don’t let the lawyers run the show

Even though both parties are going to need to get a lawyer, you don’t want the lawyer running the show. Why? Because lawyers work for money and the larger the settlement that they can arrange for you and the more billable hours that they can accrue translate into more money for them. So, basically, they have a vested interest in prolonging the divorce for as long as possible and making it as senselessly ugly as they can.

You’re going to want to keep them in check, because if you don’t they’re going to drag your ex’s name through the mud and make the situation about a million times worse. The key to all this is that even though you’re no longer in love, you still must remember that you respect one another, even if they cheated on you, or you on them.

So it’s not just about how to get the divorce, it’s how to get an amicable divorce.

Don’t put the kids in the middle

Kids have a tendency to moralize on their parents because their parents have spent a lifetime teaching them morals, and frankly, that’s annoying. So the kids are going to want to side with you, or whoever was cheated on, and say that parent is bad, amoral, and should have never done that to you. You’re going to want to make certain that they know that the marriage was over well before the infidelity and that you don’t harbor any grudges toward the ex for trying to get something out of a relationship that they weren’t getting from your relationship. Now that you’re divorced you’re going to be out there doing the same thing, so it’s unfair for them treat your ex like that.

Should you divorce after cheating?

divorce after affair cheatingShould I divorce after the affair

Should I divorce after the affair?

Divorce after Infidelity

While the answer to this question is entirely circumstantial you consider a few things about divorce and the reasons why people get divorced.

Most marriages are over long before the divorce is finalized. Relationships that you once centered your entire life around slowly lose the flame that once sustained them. Marriages that were once passionate and loving, become tedious, dull, and perfunctory. What’s worse is that we mourn their passing even as we wake up in the same bed with one another. We can see that bond fading and we lack the energy or inclination to make it happen. Relationships themselves have a life. And lives have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Not all relationships were meant to last forever, and this is as true of marriages as it is of any other kind of relationship.

Should you divorce after the affair

So if you’re asking yourself if you should divorce after an affair has happened you need to think back to the preceding paragraph. Was your marriage fading? Was the spark that once tied the two of you together now too dim to sustain the effort to make it work? Or did something else happen. Did you grow apart because of life complications. Did work take you away from one another. Were you at a particularly vulnerable time in your life or were they at a particularly vulnerable point in theirs?

People don’t talk about midlife crises as if they’re real things, but so many marriages nowadays do not survive the point at which the kids have moved out and are all off to college or establishing lives for themselves. Husbands and wives at this point often end up looking outside the marriage for stimulation, and it really is stimulation that they’re after. They’ve just spent 20 years or more being responsible adults, holding down jobs, and raising however many kids. Now is their time to get back out there and have some fun. So once the kids are gone, the illusion that a married life is for them simply fades away, and so many times that ends up culminating in divorce.

Divorce after infidelity should be seriously considered, but it shouldn’t be the only reason for the divorce. Nowadays, cheating doesn’t necessarily mean that the marriage is over. The marriage being over generally results in cheating. So spouses make the decision to cheat based on the fact that their relationship has run its course and there’s nothing left to share with the other person.

Religious beliefs on the subject notwithstanding, there is nothing really wrong with this. Most couples can remain cordial after the divorce and even behave nicely toward one another at family gatherings. If novelty is what they’re looking for, but you don’t have the same needs where new stimulation is concerned, then that’s where the problems and hurt feelings come into play. More often than not the fading of the relationship is recognized by both parties in advance and the decision to vacate the marriage is more or less mutual.

The key to sustaining a good relationship with the ex after the marriage is over is openly discussing your feelings with them and being honest about your needs. So if you’re thinking about running around behind their back and elaborately lying, then you’re not going about any of this the right way.