Monthly Archives: February 2017

How to get divorced after an affair

divorce tips cheatingTips for getting a divorce

Divorce tips after infidelity

If you’re at the point where you just can’t stand them anymore and you really want your marriage to be over following an affair then divorce may be your best option. Even in places with no-fault divorce there are going to be several actions you want to initiate as soon as you’ve made your decision. The fact the divorce is in direct response to an affair can work to your advantage legally. So here is what you should do.

Tips for getting a divorce after an affair

If cheating was the major motivating factor for getting the divorce then these steps are going to be crucial in getting a favorable outcome.

Hire a lawyer

The first thing you’re going to need to do is hire a lawyer. In fact, you’re going to want to talk to several even before you make your intentions known to your spouse. You’re in fact going to want to find all of the divorce lawyers you can and give each of them a call. Why? Because once you’ve spoken to these lawyers concerning your divorce they cannot be hired by your ex as it would be a conflict of interest for the lawyer. In other words, your ex will not be able to themselves hire any lawyer that you yourself have spoken with concerning the divorce. So the more lawyers you speak with, the less options they have available to them.

Find out what your spouse earns annually

You’re going to want to present this information to your lawyer and your spouse may have a vested interest in hiding income from you as you are going through the divorce. So find a pay stub, tax return, or get a bank statement that tracks deposits going back at least a year and you should be good.

Make photocopies of everything and present those to the lawyer you choose to have handle your case. You should do all of this before you announce your plans to divorce your husband or wife and if you’ve discovered that they have been unfaithful to you then you should forestall telling them that you’re aware of the infidelity for as long as humanly possible so that they aren’t suspicious of your collecting of information.

Keep a record of non-liquid assets

Anything that is valuable enough should be appraised and that information should be collected and given to the lawyer. The house, the cars, jewelry, literally anything with a dollar amount attached to it can be leverages during the divorce.

Figure out how much it costs to run your household

Again, this will take time, but it’s important that you don’t fly off the handle immediately after learning about the affair. You want to bide your time, and if you really want to stick it to the cheating spouse, you’re going to have to collect a lot of information.

Save money

During this period you’re going to want to save as much money as possible and store it away. You also will want to withdraw money from your bank and drain any personal account you might have.

Divorce after an affair

If these tactics sound harsh it’s because they are. This is hardball, so if you want to end the marriage amicably after the affair, then this isn’t going to be valuable information for you, but if you’ve had enough with the BS and want to stick it to the spouse, you’re going to want to take these steps and bide your time.

Should you divorce after cheating?

divorce after affair cheatingShould I divorce after the affair

Should I divorce after the affair?

Divorce after Infidelity

While the answer to this question is entirely circumstantial you consider a few things about divorce and the reasons why people get divorced.

Most marriages are over long before the divorce is finalized. Relationships that you once centered your entire life around slowly lose the flame that once sustained them. Marriages that were once passionate and loving, become tedious, dull, and perfunctory. What’s worse is that we mourn their passing even as we wake up in the same bed with one another. We can see that bond fading and we lack the energy or inclination to make it happen. Relationships themselves have a life. And lives have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Not all relationships were meant to last forever, and this is as true of marriages as it is of any other kind of relationship.

Should you divorce after the affair

So if you’re asking yourself if you should divorce after an affair has happened you need to think back to the preceding paragraph. Was your marriage fading? Was the spark that once tied the two of you together now too dim to sustain the effort to make it work? Or did something else happen. Did you grow apart because of life complications. Did work take you away from one another. Were you at a particularly vulnerable time in your life or were they at a particularly vulnerable point in theirs?

People don’t talk about midlife crises as if they’re real things, but so many marriages nowadays do not survive the point at which the kids have moved out and are all off to college or establishing lives for themselves. Husbands and wives at this point often end up looking outside the marriage for stimulation, and it really is stimulation that they’re after. They’ve just spent 20 years or more being responsible adults, holding down jobs, and raising however many kids. Now is their time to get back out there and have some fun. So once the kids are gone, the illusion that a married life is for them simply fades away, and so many times that ends up culminating in divorce.

Divorce after infidelity should be seriously considered, but it shouldn’t be the only reason for the divorce. Nowadays, cheating doesn’t necessarily mean that the marriage is over. The marriage being over generally results in cheating. So spouses make the decision to cheat based on the fact that their relationship has run its course and there’s nothing left to share with the other person.

Religious beliefs on the subject notwithstanding, there is nothing really wrong with this. Most couples can remain cordial after the divorce and even behave nicely toward one another at family gatherings. If novelty is what they’re looking for, but you don’t have the same needs where new stimulation is concerned, then that’s where the problems and hurt feelings come into play. More often than not the fading of the relationship is recognized by both parties in advance and the decision to vacate the marriage is more or less mutual.

The key to sustaining a good relationship with the ex after the marriage is over is openly discussing your feelings with them and being honest about your needs. So if you’re thinking about running around behind their back and elaborately lying, then you’re not going about any of this the right way.